This is a small protest to remind people I am more than an incubator!
I was talking to my husband a few weeks ago and protesting that as a pregnant person it appears that I no longer actually exist as a human being. Carrying a child begins to define you in many people’s eyes. People who had little interest in seeing the pre-pregnancy immigrant are now wanting to visit! This, to me, is slightly ludicrous as there is nothing new to see. The visit will be disappointing as I am not showing at all (I have a small potbelly that is hardly noticeable when I am fully clothed; I am not stripping just to make people interested in my pregnancy happy) and even when I am showing, my stomach won’t be doing anything particularly noticeable or interesting.
The majority of people are fascinated by the fact of my being pregnancy and they tend to ask how it’s going with some expectation. In my case as not much is actually happening there isn’t much to tell, so enquires are often met with embarrassment rather than joy. However, I can imagine that if I was throwing up day and night I would be less than thrilled about it, so I am counting my blessings in this case.
The most unnerving thing about all this, the thing that sends me into a slight panic as it may lead to my performing acts of violence, is the fact that I suspect people want to touch me. As previously stated in this blog, I dislike being touched at the best of times. Why then would I allow people to touch me just because I am pregnant? I think it is unreasonable for people to think they can invade your personal space and disregard your feelings on the matter just because you are with child. I have seen people do it to more obviously pregnant people, strangers even. They get a certain look in their eye and they put their hand out and quickly go straight for the bump and start stroking without so much as a by your leave. This behaviour would be considered rude or even lead to arrest in any other circumstance but it is suddenly deemed acceptable just because the person being felt up is up the duff! And people look at you like you are unreasonable when you step back in horror and spray them with CS gas!
Although I spend a great deal of time thinking about being pregnant and researching the goings on in my tummy, I am slightly put out by other people’s apparent lack of interest in my feelings as a human incubator. I have no choice but to think about being pregnant most of the time – the constant slight discomfort doesn’t really allow you to forget (although today is a good day and I feel like a normal human being again albeit a tired and hungry one). I am researching because it is what I do and also because if you are pregnant with no real symptoms, like I am, it is actually not that interesting. I have to find ways to spice it up! I suspect by month 6 I will be bored of the research and ready for the baby to be born already!
I think find this whole situation particularly weird as traditionally Zambians seem not to really make a big deal out of the baby during pregnancy; they appear to focus on the mother more and then both the mother and child after the birth. When I was at home, my mother and cousins were concerned with how I was feeling and making me comfortable rather than trying to focus on the bump and the coming baby. After all so much can go wrong and the comfort and well being of the mother is paramount to the well being of the growing baby before and after pregnancy.
The majority of people are fascinated by the fact of my being pregnancy and they tend to ask how it’s going with some expectation. In my case as not much is actually happening there isn’t much to tell, so enquires are often met with embarrassment rather than joy. However, I can imagine that if I was throwing up day and night I would be less than thrilled about it, so I am counting my blessings in this case.
The most unnerving thing about all this, the thing that sends me into a slight panic as it may lead to my performing acts of violence, is the fact that I suspect people want to touch me. As previously stated in this blog, I dislike being touched at the best of times. Why then would I allow people to touch me just because I am pregnant? I think it is unreasonable for people to think they can invade your personal space and disregard your feelings on the matter just because you are with child. I have seen people do it to more obviously pregnant people, strangers even. They get a certain look in their eye and they put their hand out and quickly go straight for the bump and start stroking without so much as a by your leave. This behaviour would be considered rude or even lead to arrest in any other circumstance but it is suddenly deemed acceptable just because the person being felt up is up the duff! And people look at you like you are unreasonable when you step back in horror and spray them with CS gas!
Although I spend a great deal of time thinking about being pregnant and researching the goings on in my tummy, I am slightly put out by other people’s apparent lack of interest in my feelings as a human incubator. I have no choice but to think about being pregnant most of the time – the constant slight discomfort doesn’t really allow you to forget (although today is a good day and I feel like a normal human being again albeit a tired and hungry one). I am researching because it is what I do and also because if you are pregnant with no real symptoms, like I am, it is actually not that interesting. I have to find ways to spice it up! I suspect by month 6 I will be bored of the research and ready for the baby to be born already!
I think find this whole situation particularly weird as traditionally Zambians seem not to really make a big deal out of the baby during pregnancy; they appear to focus on the mother more and then both the mother and child after the birth. When I was at home, my mother and cousins were concerned with how I was feeling and making me comfortable rather than trying to focus on the bump and the coming baby. After all so much can go wrong and the comfort and well being of the mother is paramount to the well being of the growing baby before and after pregnancy.
I am principally worried that the phenomenon of my disappearance might manifest itself most during the Christmas festivities and my birthday, with people giving my husband and I presents that are actually for the baby. Why do people do this? I cannot for the life of me understand how they justify it to themselves. It is just not considerate. When you get married people don’t buy presents for your husband and pretend it’s for you, why would they do the same in this situation? This is my last Christmas and birthday as a motherless immigrant so I would like it to be about me, especially if I will be exhausted and the size of a small elephant. If people want to buy gifts for the baby, they are welcome to do so. They should just be reasonable and not pretend they are for me…
I think the protest may mainly be because my husband suggested that I have the baby shower just after my birthday. I was horrified at the prospect. It’s bad enough I am slowly disappearing in most people’s consciousness, why would I want to play second fiddle to the baby on my birthday (unless I have to, I’ll be exactly 9 months pregnant on my next birthday)? The timing of the baby’s arrival is a little interesting, as it will be born near my birthday, which is near our wedding anniversary. The baby is actually due 3 days after my sister in law is scheduled to get married, so it’s unlikely I’ll be able to go to the wedding. I will only attend if the baby has been born and is more than a month old. I am so uncomfortable moving around and even sitting now (lying down works best), I don't think I could go to wedding in that state. Also I don’t really like the prospect of taking a brand new baby to a wedding for two reasons, the first being I am not sure how healthy it is for the child and secondly because I think it is Doright’s sister and her partner’s day. She has been very excited about the prospect of being an aunty and probably wouldn’t mind but I guess I wouldn’t have liked it much myself and I think it would be inconsiderate to take the attention away from her and the reason people are there.
OK I have been ranting a lot lately but suspect that I am just a ranter…see my other blog. On that note I am off to try and cook some pasta for my poor starving husband.
1 comment:
i am in hysterics over here..."i suspect people want to touch me"...i know how much you don't like being touched...i think i am the only touchy feely one out of the three of us!!!
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